Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
