Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize