i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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