I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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