Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
