hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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