It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need to sanitize my soul.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
