did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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