I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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