Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she smelled like a LAN party
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
