Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The air was thick with penises
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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