it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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