Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
