i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
