FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
