If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There r osticjed everywhere
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
