I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
