i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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