So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You made out with two different species that night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
