Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
