My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
