Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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