dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
