I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
