He uses pillows to masturbate.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
