he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
sex in a hospital.. check
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
