I just threw up on my dentist
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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