I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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