Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
