I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
