I heard we made out
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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