booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
