haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
