I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
