with your own penis?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
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its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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