areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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