GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
