Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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