i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
