I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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