Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
