she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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