Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My vagina is officially offended.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
