weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
