I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
too bad you live with your parents still
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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