Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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