OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
