You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
