Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
