I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
