i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
