I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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