you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
