I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
