Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
