I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
