I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
