5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
sex in a hospital.. check
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
