I cannot find my penis.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
