Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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