she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
