After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
