He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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