yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
