Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
