New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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