remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
