dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
