I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
