im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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