I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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