My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
