Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
