the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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