omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
