you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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