So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
