Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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