How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
