6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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