I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
