What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
