Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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