My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
