i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
