I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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