God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
