what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
