I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
