I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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