Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
