I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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